Self-Love: The Real Secret to Thriving (Not Just Surviving)

It’s the month of love, but before we get all mushy about romance, let’s talk about the foundation of every healthy relationship—self-love. Yeah, yeah, I know. The term alone can make some of us cringe. But hear me out: the people who need it the most are usually the ones who resist it the hardest. Why?

Because it feels weird.

 Forced.

 Like you’re supposed to stand in front of a mirror and chant, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” (Thanks, SNL.)

Spoiler: You don’t have to do that. But you do need to find a way to stop treating yourself like an enemy. Self-love isn’t about cheesy affirmations—it’s about rewiring how you show up in your own life. And when you get it right, it changes everything.

 Here’s why it matters and how to actually do it (without the fluff).

1. It Strengthens Relationships (The Healthy Ones)

• When you love and respect yourself, you set a standard for how others treat you.
• You’re less likely to accept toxic behavior because you recognize your worth.
• You communicate more honestly and don’t shrink yourself to make others comfortable.
• Instead of seeking validation from partners, friends, or family, you bring a sense of wholeness to relationships, reducing codependency.

Essence helpers: Bravely You, Peak Performance

2. It Makes You a Better Caregiver (Without Burnout)

• Whether you’re a parent, partner, healer, or friend, self-love prevents martyrdom.
• You stop pouring from an empty cup and instead give from a place of abundance.
• You model healthy self-worth for children or those who look up to you.

Essence helpers: Self Heal, Skullcap, Yarrow

3. It Boosts Physical Health

• Self-love leads to better self-care: nutrition, movement, and rest become acts of kindness rather than punishment or neglect.
• It lowers stress and inflammation—self-hatred and unworthiness trigger cortisol spikes and chronic tension.
• When you love yourself, you listen to your body rather than override or ignore its needs.

Essence helpers: Self Heal

 4. It Unlocks Your Potential

• Confidence grows when you stop tearing yourself down, making it easier to take risks and pursue goals.
• Perfectionism fades because you no longer tie your worth to performance or approval.
• Failure becomes a learning experience rather than a personal indictment.

Essence helpers: Peak Performance, Confidence

5. It Breaks Generational Cycles

• Many of us were raised in environments where self-sacrifice or low self-worth was the norm.
• Loving yourself interrupts patterns of self-abandonment, ensuring future generations don’t inherit the same struggles.

Essence helpers: Missouri Primrose, 528 Creative DNA, Confidence, Rose Campion, Double Delight Rose

6. It Enhances Spiritual Growth

• Many spiritual traditions emphasize love and compassion—yet we often apply them only to others.
• Self-love aligns you with the idea that you are inherently worthy, rather than needing to prove yourself through suffering.
• It creates a stronger connection to intuition, as self-trust grows when you stop gaslighting your own feelings.

Essence helpers: Aurinia, Harebell

7. It Shifts Your Energy and Attracts Better Opportunities

• When you carry self-respect, you attract relationships, jobs, and opportunities that align with your higher self.
• You become magnetic to abundance because you stop subconsciously rejecting good things.
• People who mistreat or drain you naturally fade away when you’re no longer an energetic match for them.

Essence helpers: Prosper, Powerhouse

8. It Cultivates Emotional Resilience

• Self-love doesn’t eliminate hardships, but it changes how you respond.
• Instead of spiraling into self-blame or shame, you approach setbacks with kindness and self-compassion.
• You develop the ability to self-soothe rather than seeking external validation or destructive coping mechanisms.

Essence helpers: Solomon's Seal, Hyssop, Skullcap

 9. It Makes Life More Enjoyable

• You stop waiting for a certain weight, job, or relationship to allow yourself to be happy.
• You embrace small joys and savor moments without guilt or unworthiness creeping in.
• Life feels lighter when you aren’t at war with yourself.

Essence helpers: Confidence, Bravely You, Pretty Face, Joy, Double Delight Rose

 Self-love isn’t just about feeling good—it’s the foundation for a life that works in every area. When you’re in harmony with yourself, everything else tends to fall into place.

 Find a reason from the above list that has the power to drive you into change. Or maybe it's not exactly on the list.

For me, as a business owner, the verse "No weapon formed against you is gonna prosper" hit hard. I need to make sure I'm not the weapon formed against me, because if so, I'm not gonna prosper. At least in the long term. I can slave-drive myself long enough to make some short-term gains, but we all know where that winds up. 

So How Do We Work On It? 

In the above list, there are little "essence helper" sections. You can shop all of them here. See what things resonate for you. And if self-love feels like a vague or fluffy concept, here are some practical, non-woo-woo ways to build it:

1. Audit Your Self-Talk (Like You Would a Friend’s)

• Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Would you say the same things to a friend?
• Try replacing “I’m such an idiot” with “I made a mistake, but I’m learning.”
• If needed, set a rule: No self-criticism unless you also offer a solution.

2. Set and Enforce Boundaries (Without Apology)

• Identify areas where you overextend, people-please, or tolerate things that drain you.
• Start with small, clear boundaries: “I can’t take on extra work this week” or “I won’t engage in gossip.”
• Enforcing boundaries is like a muscle—the more you do it, the easier it gets.

3. Treat Yourself Like a Human (Not a Productivity Machine)

• Rest when you need it. Eat when you’re hungry. Stop when you’re full.
• Build in rewards: If you meet a goal, acknowledge it instead of immediately moving the goalpost.
• Unplug from the mindset that your worth is tied to what you accomplish.

4. Ditch the ‘All or Nothing’ Mindset

• Progress > Perfection. Missing a workout doesn’t mean you “failed” fitness. Eating one cookie doesn’t mean you “ruined” your diet.
• Think in terms of averages, not isolated moments—your self-worth isn’t a daily pass/fail test.

5. Wear Clothes That Fit

• If something makes you feel bad about yourself every time you put it on, donate it.
• Your body isn’t the problem; the clothes are.
• Dress for where you’re at now, not some future version of yourself.

6. Take Care of Your Space

• A cluttered, chaotic environment reinforces stress and low self-worth.
• Make your home (or at least your bedroom/office) a place that feels good to be in.
• Even small acts, like making your bed, can create a sense of self-respect.

7. Say ‘No’ Without Guilt

• If someone gets upset that you have boundaries, that’s their issue, not yours.
• You don’t need a long explanation. “That doesn’t work for me” is a full sentence.
• Every “no” frees up space for something that’s actually aligned with your needs.

8. Eat Like Someone Who Cares About Themselves

• Not just “clean” eating—actually eating enough and without guilt.
• Stop seeing food as “earned” or “deserved.” Your body needs fuel regardless of how your day went.
• If you wouldn’t make your child skip meals as punishment, don’t do it to yourself.

9. Move Your Body in Ways You Enjoy

• Forget punishment workouts. If you hate running, don’t run.
• Find movement that feels good: dancing, hiking, lifting, yoga, or just walking.
• Shift the goal from weight loss to feeling strong, capable, and energized.

10. Keep Promises to Yourself

• If you constantly cancel on yourself (skipping workouts, ignoring your goals), your brain learns that you don’t follow through.
• Start small—set one or two realistic commitments and actually do them.
• Build trust with yourself the same way you would in a relationship.

11. Spend Time With People Who Make You Feel Good

• Notice who drains you and who energizes you.
• Reduce time with those who criticize, invalidate, or guilt-trip you.
• Choose people who support, challenge, and respect you.

12. Do Stuff Just Because You Like It

• Hobbies aren’t just for kids. If you’ve forgotten what you enjoy, experiment.
• Try something without an outcome in mind—painting, reading, puzzles, music, gardening.
• You don’t need to be good at it; you just need to enjoy it.

13. Recognize What You’re Already Doing Right

• End each day by listing one thing you handled well. Just one.
• Over time, you’ll notice that you do show up for yourself in more ways than you realized.
• Self-love isn’t about grand gestures—it’s built in the small moments.

Self-love isn’t usually a mystical, overnight transformation. It’s a series of small, intentional choices that add up over time. Start where you are, keep it practical, and be patient with yourself. Use essences to help you out in the areas you need some reinforcing.